When Did I Lose Control?

When I was living on 420, many instances would happen that would make my parents look at each other in disbelief that that moment in time was a reality.  First sleepover, first boy-girl dance, high school, college, wedding, children, etc.  Dad would always look at mom with a confused look and ask, "Mandy, when did I lose control?"  And no matter how many times Dad would ask that question, the answer was always the same: "Buck, you never had control!"  As easy-going as Dad would pretend to be, he would always seem shocked by the answer.

So, now that I have been married eleven years and have two boys, I find myself walking in those same footsteps that my parents did.  So, now, I would like to document this date:  October 30, 2013.  Today is the day that I have officially lost control. Granted, I probably haven't been in control for some time, but today is the day that I can say with certainty that I have lost it.

Three weeks ago, I got a glimpse of it when Jacob and I attended 4:30 mass on Saturday, during an LSU football game.  It is my favorite time to go to church because no one is there.  Jacob guided us to a spot close to the front of the church and right along the center aisle.  Being related to Buck Russell, Jacob didn't bow his head in prayer the moment he got settled into the pew.  Instead, he searched the building for any recognizable face. Behind us, he spoted one:  a girl with long, brown hair from his class.  She sat across the aisle, four pews behind us.  I only noticed her spot during the Sign of Peace.  For it was during this moment, that she decided to leave her mother's side, walk four pews up down the center aisle and give MY SON a big hug.

"It's a hand-shake sister, not a long embrace...hit the road, hussy," is what I wanted to say.  But, a line from the movie Steel Magnolia's, "We are in the House of the Lord," and an angel's hand over my mouth prevented me from letting that thought escape my tongue.  Instead, I found her mother and offered a sign of peace with a wave. Really, I was acting like I was shooting her the bird with all of my fingers standing, but that's just between you and me.

Control...think control.

Then, during Communion, another one of his female comrades walked behind her mother to the front of the church.  How did I spot this hussy? Well, she was the one who kept running into her mother's behind while turning her head to smile and wave at MY SON.
"Sister, Hussy...move it along...it's a Holy Sacrament, not a runway, " is what I said as I nodded at her mother.  You know, the same nod I would give a member of the Mafia as if to say, "Yes, it's her...give her cement shoes and kick her off the bridge."

Control...you can do this, Momma.

And then there was the day that Jacob was eager to go outside to help his father pick up the grass clippings.  I should have known something was up when he excitedly volunteered to help with chores.  So, I decided to join. Two can play at this game!  When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a wee, smiling hussy that lives close to here! Outside they played and ran and laughed.  It was short-lived because it was dinner time...and all the grass was picked up.  Then, it happened. 

That evening, Jacob drew a picture of two people playing:  one looked like a boy and one looked like his sweet Momma with a long pony-tail.  I asked Jacob if that was the two of us holding hands and smiling.  And you know what that little Thief of Joy said to his mother???  "No, Momma, that's me and Isabella.  I'm going to give this to her tomorrow at school."  Dagger to the heart.

I don't think I can do this control thing.

And then there was the School Fair....when random mommy from another class asks me, "Oh, are you Jacob's mom?"
"Why yes, yes I am!" 
"Oh, I heard about him!"
"You did?  What was it?"
"He sent Isabella a note home. Isabella's mom said that she was so excited because her daughter got her first love note from a cute boy."
Cement shoes...definitely cement shoes. 

What the hell is going on with my control????

Which brings me to tonight:  October 30, 2013.  After our prayers, I was tucking Jacob in his bed, he had his lovey in one hand and his thumb in his mouth. (DO YOU HEAR THAT, YOU HUSSY, HE SUCKS HIS THUMB WITH HIS LOVEY STILL!)  And he turned to me and said, "You know what Momma?  I hurt my hand today on the swing."
"You did?  How did that happen?"
"Well, I was swinging and Isabella was watching me.  So, she asked me if I could jump off the swing while I was swinging high up in the sky."
"Oh, yeah?  And so, did you stop swinging and go play Jacks with all of your boy friends?" 
"Nope, I jumped...and I landed on my hands...and I had a line of blood on my hand."

I have lost control....
 
"Did it hurt?"
"Yes."
"Good"
"Can I have a band-aid?"
"Nope....Night...and you know what, Beanie?  Your Momma wouldn't have asked you to jump! Love you to the Moon and Back"

Tiny bit of control regained.